#9: F*CK Tablecloths!

                                                       Vanity Fare

Everyone knows I hardly EVER curse. Honest. But you know what? F*ck tablecloths. There, I said it.

I've got a $200 decorating budget for our wedding reception, and unfortunately this must include centerpieces, flowers, AND tablecloths. (Can you tell that we could only afford a no-frills venue? BYOT- bring your own tablecloths. Sheesh.)

For some reason, tablecloths can only be rented at anywhere between $7-$15 each, and when you've got 20 tables to dress like I do, you're pretty much screwed. Not even my Ebay, Craiglist, discount store, or friends-who-own-restaurants-with-tablecloths-to-lend search has led to a good find.

So. There exists something called paper tablecloths. You know, like the kind you find at children's birthday parties. At one point I thought I'd just have to suck it up and use them (despite associating paper tablecloths with stains from soda, pizza, and ice cream cake - the menu at every child's birthday bash). But I'm not sure if I can get myself to do that. Why? Because it would mean no:

                                                            Snippet & Ink

                                                Or worse yet, no:

                                                Image: W. Scott Chester

Looks like I won't be having the rustic chic, blog-worthy, indie wedding after all. But you know what I will be having? A $10,000 BBQ decorated like a children's party. (Sigh.)

I cried earlier tonight when I realized that we cannot afford tablecloths. I was literally driving around in my car at night, with the backdrop for my tears being the musical landscape of any depressing John Mayer tune I could find in my CD carrier. Dramatic? Yes. But to put things in perspective, what I was really crying about was the fact that I could not afford something so basic. I don't need a platinum wedding. I just want tablecloths at my party.

And then I cried some more because I realized how ridiculous I was being.

My best friend from grad school came to mind because she recently shared that she often cannot afford to pay her monthly bills in full. She pays what she can to Con Ed, to her landlord, and to her cell phone provider, but rarely ever the actual amount that's due. I think about what she'll probably sacrifice in order to give us a small gift for the wedding. It makes me want to insist that she not purchase anything for us at all. And it makes me want to write across the sky "F*CK tablecloths!"...and then go pick up some paper ones over at Party City and NOT be a baby about it.