#115: A bride is a LEADER in a pretty dress.

Last week I was impressed with how Jenna (she of this amazing celebration) rocked the role of "senior manager" or "CEO" of her wedding. She got things done. Her vision was realized. She made firm decisions. She knew her limits and delegated. And because of this, she was able to enjoy her wedding weekend.

So it got me thinking. Planning and executing a wedding can feel like running a business, and as such, it would benefit from some insanely awesome management and leadership skills from the bride and groom.

Here's the thing: we're not all great at managing and leading. I know I'm not.

You see, I'm an introverted, flexible, indecisive middle child who is better at thinking up ideas than  following through. Also, instead of taking charge when faced with a challenging situation, I let the situation take control of me. It's the kind of sensitive and introspective personality that allows me to excel as a counselor, a writer, and as a helper. But I pretty much suck at leading others, being firm, and delegating.This made wedding planning and enjoying the reception a bit of a challenge for me.

What kind of leader are you? 

Will you need help saying "no" to people who want you to play the role of manager at your wedding when all you really want to is party hardy? Are you someone who is easily overwhelmed by challenges, and would therefore require the help of a right-hand-man (or woman) to put out fires? Or perhaps your need to be in control will prevent you from feeling relaxed at your wedding, or worse, prevent you from appreciating the beauty of what's happening beyond the logistics that you're so busy overseeing.

Take your leadership style into consideration and plan accordingly.

Another important question to ask yourself is: what kind of host are you? Me? A bad one. My desire to make people feel comfortable is a good thing, but when I go overboard with this it's always at my own expense. To me, if your "customers" (guests) aren't happy, your business is failing. But if the "boss" (the host) is miserable, again, your business is failing.

I've only hosted 3 parties in my life:

(1) Housewarming party 2 years ago - I spent half the night in the kitchen cooking and washing dishes instead of hanging with my guests. (I blame it on poor planning and time management.)

(2) My wedding - You all know how that went. (I blame it on worrying too much about what other people were thinking.)

(3) Last week's belated joint 30th birthday party for Brian and me -  Fortunately, by this time I had learned from my past mistakes. I didn't act like a host, I acted like a guest at a party. And because of this I had a great time! We ordered a few pizzas, made it a BYOB thing (bring your own beer, brownies, or boobies - guests' choice), let people do their own thing without feeling like we needed to entertain them, and did very little "host work" during the event.


However, being an imperfect leader and host brings its own blessings. It highlights the areas in which I want to improve. It begs me to brave and go outside of my comfort zone. And it encourages me to look to my "business partner" (husband) for support. Brian and I are opposites, so through him my strengths are magnified, put to work, and appreciated, while my weaknesses are forgiven and compensated for. That's the beauty of partnership. And that's one of the reasons why I got married.


And finally, being a good leader and host is not just about your SKILLZ. *It's about INTEGRITY.* So even though you've got your flaws, you can still have a beautiful, conscientious, honest, and joyful day without compromising your core values. That's something to be proud of, whether you rocked the CEO hat or not.

Married people: What are you and your partner like as leaders/ managers/ hosts?

Engaged people: How have your management skills effected your wedding planning?


Photo credit

#107: The Truth About Wedding Day Expecations & Being "In The Moment"

I intended to devote today's post to wedding day regrets and post-wedding blues of the would've/could've/should've kind. But I noticed a few patterns in the comments from yesterday's post, patterns that I'd like to chat about and get your input on.

The first is the intention of many smart and grounded couples to have zero expectations of their wedding day (aside from ending up with a spouse by the end). I like this idea. It's a terrific attitude; no expectations means a smaller chance of disappointment. No expectations increases the likelihood that you will be present and enjoy each moment.

But I don't think that having expectations is a bad thing. Unreasonable expectations, however, are another story. The difference? Well, hoping that I'd have fun and that our bbq reception would be relaxed and casual? Reasonable. Hoping that all of my DIY plans would play out without a hitch and that all of my guests would have the time of their lives? Unreasonable.

Even those who try not to have any expectations are likely to have a few. A sincere intention or strong hope can be an expectation.

How can you tell what your expectations are? Here are 2 prompts that will uncover them:

• When you close your eyes and imagine a scene at your wedding, what do you envision? (Who is there? What are they doing? How are they feeling? What are YOU doing and feeling?) 
• What did you spend the most money and/or time on? What service was worth shelling out the money for? What DIY project did you want to get just right? All of this will point to what you find most important, where your hope lies, and yes, the expectations of your heart.

Now that your expectations are accounted for, run it by your wisest friend to see how realistic and doable your goals are vs. which are unrealistic and out of your hands.

But even when you have realistic expectations you could still run into a problem - if your reaction to the unmet expectations ruins your entire experience. (Ahem...take it from me!) This has less to do with having expectations and more to do with how you typically respond when you don't get what you hoped for. 

So assuming that you do have some subtle expectations (umm, trust me, you do), and assuming that they're pretty realistic (they probably are because I can tell that ya'll are smart and striving for wisdom), how have you responded to disappointment in the past? How long does it typically take you to accept that what you hoped for/ what you deserved isn't going to happen? For how long do you usually sulk/ kick/ scream/ cry? This will give you a hint as to how you *might* respond when (yes, WHEN) imperfections unfold throughout your wedding day.

You won't necessarily respond to set backs at your wedding the way you typically do at work or at home - the joy of the day could change your perspective during those hours. But just be aware that you could possibly be your usual self at your wedding - a mix of your best self and your worst self. You should also be aware that you could be an exaggerated version of yourself at your wedding (the good, the bad, and the ugly), because hello...you're at YOUR WEDDING! But. The thing is, your personality squared is not a bad thing. It's just...a thing. A thing to be aware of. A realistic expectation.

If you think you're going to be a Zen master at you're wedding because that's how you usually are, well, believe it or not, that could be an unrealistic expectation. So is the idea that you'll magically be a Zen master on your wedding day when you typically are anything but. In other words, when the day arrives you just might surprise yourself. However you end up being, you are simply being you. Honor and accept whoever you turn out to be. And don't judge yourself too harshly.

And now for the second topic I noticed in yesterday's comments. People want to feel present and "in the moment" at their wedding. They want to soak it all in. They want to enjoy what they spent so much time planning. They want to make amazing memories. This what married couples suggest, it's what recent brides write about, and it's what so many of the self-help and spiritual books on our bookshelves encourage us to do.

Yeah, that's nice and all, but how does one do this? How do we put theory into practice? How can you be present when the 5 hours you paid for are flying by with every tick of the clock; when you're juggling socialization, dancing, and wedding traditions; and when you're saying "Hi!" and "Bye!" and "Thank you!" and "Cheeeese!" and "Oh crap, we ran out?" and "Can someone ask ____ to ____ for me, please?" all day?

Well. Here are a few things that I do when I'm successfully being present, divided by whether I'm experiencing something pleasant or unpleasant. The techniques under each category are not that much different from each other, but depending on the situation I have different intentions when I use them.

Pleasant (In other words, when I want to hold on to a moment.)

• I focus on my breath. Paying attention to inhaling and exhaling helps me recognize the present moment. I focus on where I am physically as opposed to where my crazy thoughts are.
• This sounds kind of new age-y, but I imagine that I'm outside of my body looking down at the situation. It helps me see the beauty of the big picture.
• I start saying "Thank you" inside, or I start praying. 
• I think about how I won't experience this exact moment ever again. I look around at everything and just smile.

 Unpleasant (When I want to release the negative emotions associated with the present event.)

•  Again, I focus on my breath. It tell myself that I'm still alive and okay even though I'm in a terrible mess. 
• I start praying, but mostly asking for help and strength.
• I talk about it with someone. (This always helps more than I expect it to.)
• Positive thinking. Okay, I'm lying, I'm NOT very good at this. But I like to do the bullet point above with those who are good at positive thinking, like my huzzzband. :)

How do YOU typically do to help you feel present, focused, grateful, and at peace during both pleasant and unpleasant moments? What would you add to my lists?

 
Now...did I actually use all of these techniques on my wedding day? Well. I'm no Zen master, I'll tell ya that. I was pretty successful at being present during the pleasant moments (which was most of the day, actually), but I didn't use any techniques during the unpleasant parts.

If your wedding day is coming up, I suggest practicing the above techniques in everyday life during both pleasant and unpleasant moments. It'll help you achieve that elusive and highly desired "being in the moment" wedding experience that people always talk about. Take it down from it's pedestal and put it into practice! Or that's what I'm trying (struggling?) to do anyway. Plus, it'll help all of us with so many aspects of our lives beyond the big day. (Let's not forget that there's life beyond the wedding!)

Good luck!

#96: What does your wedding dress say about you?

"I want to look back at my wedding pictures and say, 'Oh my gosh, what was I thinking?!'" 

~ Bleach blonde boobalicious bride on Say Yes To The Dress who bought a sparkly, see-through, corset top ball gown with a scandalously deep plunging neckline.*

Why does a bride make such a big fuss over her wedding gown choice? I've got 2 answers for this. The first is pretty obvious: 

Societal pressure for women to prove their worth through their physical attractiveness + the Wedding Industrial Complex = Bride who feels she MUST find the perfect outfit!

And second reason? The gown has an important role in the wedding is because it's a symbol of a woman's identity. It represents her values, lifestyle, and personality. So it's no wonder women put so much thought into what she wears on her wedding day; it is a chance to make a statement about who she is, what's important to her, and how she wants to be perceived by her community.

There are 3 categories in which the significance of a dress can be examined:

Aesthetics

Based on the design of the dress, the bride can identity herself as sophisticated, sexy, simple, fashion-forward, fun, traditional, sweet, unique, sassy, or bad ass. She can even communicate her personal interest in periods in history, subcultures, and hobbies. It's actually pretty amazing how much a garment can "say" with no words.

Selection Process

A bride's values are reflected in how she goes about choosing a dress. Her decision making process says a lot about her. Does she value making decisions with the support of loved ones? Is it important to make decisions independent of other people's opinions? Whose opinion is most important to her?  Would she choose something for yourself if no one supported the decision? Would she wear an inherited gown? Does she want to make a statement about her relationship to the Wedding Industrial Complex by purposefully NOT getting too caught up in finding the "perfect" dress?

Production

How and where was the dress made? Are these important factors? Are her moral/ ethical standards applied to not just her own actions but those who have provided goods and services to her?

I'll end this post with a bunch of photos of me in my gown (because you know, I loved it and all. And who doesn't like sharing photos of things that make them all giddy?).

What does my gown say about me? Aesthetically I wanted something (1) sweet, romantic, and timeless  (2) form fitting around my wide hips because, you know, a girl's gotta appreciate her curves, right? (I am fertile. Hear me roar!) I also designed every inch of this dress, which was SO important to me. I'm sort of obsessed with identity formation, reflection, personal growth, and creativity, so designing my gown was an obvious choice.

And now here it is, a 360-degree view of my pretty little masterpiece:

                                         Mom, Me, Big Sis

                                      A farmer's tan and his wife

                                 Yes, that's a cemetery in the background

                               Ruffles galore!: My vintage style bustle

                                                 Hips! BAM!

Your turn. What do the aesthetics, selection process, and production of your gown say about YOU?

*I kind of LOVE the boobalicious bride's attitude. She could care less what will look good 25 years from now because she doesn't live in her head and get anxious about what hasn't yet happened. Pretty fearless, no?  

Photo credit

#84: Giving shape to balls

                                      Me next to huge pink balls. Yeah, you heard me right.


I talk a lot about balls and courage on this blog. But I should clarify this concept because it is easily and frequently misunderstood.

First, as provocative as the photographed pink sign is, I (mostly) disagree with its message.

Balls without brains is dangerous.  Courage without wisdom is powerless. (And assertively stating two intriguing but generalized statements makes you sound like you're quoting Yoda. Ahem. So sorry.)

If you've got a one-dimensional understanding of balls in the context of wedding planning, you might mistake it for irreverently and rudely doing whatever the heck you want without any regard to the needs and wishes of your family, future in-laws, and anyone else who has a stake in your wedding. (Yes, others rightly have an emotional investment in "your day" too, you know!) This is particularly true for those who are normally bad ass -- the "it's my way or the highway" route is not being ballsy, necessarily. It's just you in your comfort zone.

Here's what having balls is NOT:

• Rebelling in anger and frustration
• Taking action merely out of fear, desperation, fatigue, or to avoid conflict
• Taking action just to teach someone a lesson

Now here's what having balls IS:

• Allowing yourself to express anger and frustration
• Taking action that scares you, is motivated by desperation or fatigue (in exchange for your own sanity), or allows you to avoid *unnecessary* conflict
• Taking action just to teach someone a lesson
  

Oh boy. Who knew balls were so complex?

So what am I saying here? That no two balls are ever the same.

I'm an anxious analyzer who is easily discouraged and avoids conflict like Mariah Carey avoids loose-fitting turtle necks. So when I'm feeling ballsy I am able to say no, set boundaries, get angry without crying, stay in the fight after a rough shot to the chin, and be less affected by what others think of me.

But I've got a friend who is my complete opposite; she's extremely focused, tough, and independent with zero tolerance for people's BS, their pointless small talk, and their crying babies. So her version of ballsy is admitting when she's wrong, letting her guard down, compromising, and knowing when to pull that stick out of her ass and play nice.

The shape of your balls depends on your emotional needs. It depends on what your particular comfort zone is, and what the world beyond that zone looks like. Therefore, self awareness is the key to courage. Know your weaknesses.

If you can imagine being a more balanced and emotionally healthy version of yourself, you'll be able to get a glimpse at YOUR personalized version of a brave wedding.

#70: Procrastination & Wedding Planning

You may not want to read my thoughts on procrastination. In fact, you might prefer to read the inspiring words of Tony Robbins, or some other motivational speaker who can give you quality self-help tips guaranteed to turn your dreams into a reality. It is less likely that you want to hear advice from me - a bride who on the week of her wedding had about 5 major projects that had to get done each day, all of which I had left to the last minute, and only some of which actually got done.

But.

I have something valuable to share and it came straight from my mentor's mouth. (Not Oprah, by the way. I'm talking about my professional hero - my grad school supervisor who taught me everything I need to know about psychotherapy and the wacky mind of man.) This is what I learned from her:

Procrastination is not necessarily a bad thing. People judge themselves very harshly based on what they have not yet accomplished. And that's all that procrastination is - a judgment that when made actually hinders your quality of life. 

Imagine if you were "procrastinating" (e.g., reading your favorite wedding blog instead of working on your seating chart). In your opinion you are procrastinating. But if there were a fly on the wall, what would it see? It would see a woman or man sitting in front of a computer screen, doing an activity that he or she is led to do in that particular moment. No biggie. The judgment and guilt about procrastination exist because someone chooses for it to exist. Procrastination is not happening. It's never happening. It's merely someone's interpretation of what's happening. 

What happens on a subconscious level while one is procrastinating? He or she is actually doing work! While you're reading wedding blogs, for example, your brain is putting together ideas; your imagination is quietly rearranging the seating chart; you are subconsciously brainstorming and writing your first draft. Then when you actually do decide to work on the seating chart (even if it's 2 days before the wedding), your ideas pour out into what magically becomes your fairly decent second draft, ready and waiting for a few final revisions. 

An all-nighter has 2 important ingredients: (1) a rough draft of ideas in someone's head, waiting to be put down on paper into what is actually a second draft and (2) the urgency of tomorrow's deadline. Together, these ingredients produce great results. This is why many procrastinators say they work best under pressure.

What's important to note is that procrastination is merely a coping mechanism, just like being a type A go-getter is. For procrastinators, the best way to deal with anxiety about an upcoming deadline is to not deal with the work until they have to - it's the only thing that will soothe them. For the type A personality, their way of dealing with anxiety is to start working immediately - it's the only thing that they will find soothing. If a procrastinator started work early, she would simply feel stressed earlier. If a type A procrastinated, she would feel more worried and stressed than she would if she were actually working. 

It's all about coping mechanisms and what works for you. 

However, there are times when procrastinators should think about changing their strategy - when their coping mechanism is yielding poor results. For example, if you procrastinate and you find that you are not satisfied with the project you completed as a result of waiting until the last minute, then you may want to start your work earlier next time. 

But if you have always been a procrastinator and have somehow managed to earn grades that you're satisfied with, or create art that you're proud of, then procrastination is working for you. The only time you really need to change your approach to work is if you're not getting the results you want. Otherwise, "procrastination" is just a word tied to a judgment that will inevitably make you feel like a lazy loser. Don't judge your coping mechanism if it works; just be aware of when it has stopped working for you and adjust accordingly.

In short, don't fix it if it ain't broke.
 
So if you're going to read wedding blogs instead of working on your seating chart, or if you're going to hang out with friends instead of working on a photo montage to be played during the reception, then do it with gusto, my friend! If you're a proud procrastinator like me, you won't let false guilt (and you know how I feel about guilt) ruin your blog reading or dinner with your peeps. Because the things that need to get done will get done, just like they always have. And everything that doesn't get done will fall away, and you'll find that you can survive just fine without them, just like you always have.

See. Aren't you glad you procrastinated and read this blog post instead of doing work or chores??


Note: I was supposed to have written this post last night so that I could free up my morning today. But I "procrastinated" and answered friends' e-mails all night instead. When I woke up this morning I had no idea what to write about, but when I saw an  unpublished post in my account with only the word "procrastination" written in it, something just clicked. This post flowed right out of me! I don't think it's ever taken me this short of a time to write this long of a post. Maybe it's because of the subconscious first draft that my mind had whipped up. Yeah. My mentor rules.

#54: Letting Go Is Not The Same As Giving Up

The title for today's post was stolen, ahem...borrowed from this article  by Courtney Carver over at a blog called Goodlife Zen. "Letting go is not the same as giving up" is a phrase that caught my eye because here, on the Monday before my wedding, I find that I am exhausted, stressed, coming down with a cold, and unlikely to complete the remaining 35 tasks on my wedding to-do list. (Oh yes, I said 35.)

Now is not the time to feel guilty about the reality of things. Instead, I want to feel comforted by a gentle voice that insists I am not a failure who is throwing a boring, ugly, selfish party simply due to the fact that the following projects will not be completed in time:

• burlap table runners (Seriously?! But they're part of my ghetto gorgeous tablescape plan!) 

• funny home video of me teaching my father and future father-in-law how to dance, which would be shown at the wedding reception just before the father-father dance off (Darn. This would have been hilarious.) 

• program fans to be handed out at the ceremony (No fans? But the historical Quaker meeting house doesn't have air conditioning!) 

• "Love You List" - a display board for the reception venue that lists all of our guests' names and a funny, heart-warming reason why we think each person is freaking awesome (But...but...this was my favorite and most important DIY project! Okay, MAYBE I'll stay up late for this one...) 

• fun photo booth  (Now what will I do with my fabulous collection of Halloween wigs?) 

• slideshow of our funny 1950's style "zombie boy falls in love with a normal girl" engagement photo shoot to be played as Brian and I do our first dance (You mean we're going to have to sway for 4 minutes without anything in the background to entertain our guests?? That's torture for ALL of us.)

One of the most difficult things to do is to let go of goals, relationships, and fantasies that you had lovingly held in your mind's imagination. And because there is so much thought and emotion attached to each creative project on a bride and groom's to-do list, wedding planning can sometimes feel like one long process of letting go.

But according to the aforementioned article's "top 10 things to let go of today" freeing yourself of certain toxic ideas and attitudes will help you let go of wedding DIY projects in a healthy way. Here is an excerpt from this non-wedding-related list that may nonetheless apply to all those currently planning their big day:

• Fear of not being good enough Feeling like you don’t measure up, may have come from your childhood, or a bad relationship, but now, that feeling is just a voice in your head. It’s your voice and your life. Recognize all that you have accomplished, and all you have to give and quiet that voice, for good.

• Doing it all – Instead of doing it all, do all you really care about. Do what you energizes you and speaks to your spirit. Don’t feel pressured because you think everyone you know is doing 100 different, amazing things at once. Do what is right for you. When you redirect your energy in this way, you immediately become more effective.

• Goals that don’t fit anymore Letting go of goals and dreams can be the most challenging of all. As our lives change, we change, and things that seemed so important years ago may slowly fade away. Instead of beating yourself up for not achieving your goal, focus on your new dreams and develop goals that reflect who you are right now.

Which of these is most helpful and inspiring to YOU at this point in your wedding planning?

#48: How To Be A Bride (NOT!)

FRIEND: Now Kim...don't be afraid to just be a bride, okay?

ME: What do you mean "be a bride"?


FRIEND: You know - know what you want and ask for it. You're the bride.

We were quickly walking across a David's Bridal parking lot on a cold New York afternoon in January when this conversation occurred. It was not the kind of dress shopping pep talk I was expecting.

Now don't get me wrong - I LOVE this particular friend to pieces; she's usually quite wise and kick-ass.

But. For those of you who own a GPS for your car, you know that while you love that little gadget it has its limitations and occasionally gives you bad directions. And in this case, I had a GPS with me (in the form of my friend), who was not giving me the correct directions for "getting home" (or feeling at home in myself).

First off, what does it mean to "be a bride"? It seems like the creators of the hilarious joke below have an idea of what it means to be the one with the veil:

...As the saying goes, it's funny because it's true. (Although I'm seriously NOT laughing at the "Dresses For Fatties" line.)

But WHY is it true? Women are not naturally such catty, shallow, cookie-cutter beings. But. They can learn to be. They can be taught. They can be told that during a certain number of months they can and should be completely self-absorbed and blow their budget on things that never mattered to them before, all for the sake of keeping up with the Jones' wedding, so to speak...because if they don't then their wedding just doesn't count, or some crazy nonsense like that.

To my dear friend and dress shopping buddy, I cannot try to be a bride - I AM a bride. And my core personality does not change because of it. However I act in a bridal salon (indecisive, flexible, goofy, putzing around with my best dance moves in front of the 3-way mirrors), is who I am no matter what store I'm in or what I'm shopping for.  (Well...I don't dance in the grocery, actually. But that's just because there aren't any mirrors.)

#43: Checklist for the zen bride

Let's face it-- no matter how chill and down-to-earth you consider yourself to be, when you've got an excuse to plan and decorate a big party (and a willingness- albeit a fairly reluctant willingness- to throw down a couple thousand for it), there's always the risk of getting carried away by the fun and fabulous material details.

And I don't blame you. Hey, I love Green Wedding Shoes just like every other bride. And even when I'm trying to be sensible and save a buck through DIY projects and used wedding dresses on OnceWed, I'm certainly still drooling over the gorgeous eye candy over there, and fantasizing about all of the stuff I could purchase or create to up the pretty factor of my wedding.

With all of the lovely vintage details, charming DIY projects, and bad-ass offbeat choices, sometimes the mind needs quiet. The soul needs to simplify. We need need an anchor for our ship so that we don't go drifting off to sea.

So the next time you're faced with the option to purchase or create yet another amazing little "must-have" for your wedding, consider consulting the checklists below, taken from the highly acclaimed blog Zen Habits.

When you think about your things or want to purchase [or DIY] something new, consider these parameters:

• It brings beauty into your life and stirs your soul.
• It supports a passion or hobby.
• It helps bring family and friends together in a creative, meaningful way.
• It educates and enlightens.
• It makes life profoundly simpler so that you can pursue more meaningful things.
• It helps someone who is sick or incapacitated.
• It is useful and necessary for day-to-day life.
• It’s part of a meaningful tradition or a reminder of a special event.

You will know you are buying [or DIY-ing] mindlessly if you:

• Buy on a whim.
• Buy to impress others.
• Buy because you feel you deserve it.
• Buy when you can’t afford it.
• Buy just to update something that still works or looks fine.
• Buy because someone else has it and you want it too.
• Buy because the advertisement seduced you.
• Buy because you are bored.
• It’s purchased because buying soothes you.

The checklists above are actually from an article called "How To Simplify When You Love Your Stuff" by guest blogger Barrie Davenport. What I love is that while Zen Habits has nothing to do with weddings, it applies to those of us who are planning one. How? The blog addresses the shaping and living out of one's attitude and values. It's about quality of life. Reflecting on these things will help us make brave, authentic, and mindful choices for our weddings. Hooray!

Good luck, my little zen brides. Peace out.

#35: Why marry NOW?

                                           Allegro Photography
Yesterday I heard the sad news that the beloved aunt of my brother-in-law had died. The last time I saw her she was vibrant, talkative, cute, and happy. But then she fell ill and slipped away from us. And it got me thinking.

Maybe it's because I just finished my internship as a bereavement counselor, or maybe it's because I have always been drawn to sad things...but I think about whose life, of all of our relatives and friends, will last just long enough so that we can share our happy day with them. Morbid and depressing, I know.

This brings me to why Brian and I are getting married now as opposed to 2 years from now when I hopefully have a steady job and many, many pennies saved up for the big day. It's simple: we want to say our vows when both sets of our parents are alive. And not just alive, but also well enough to dance, to bear hug us, and to stay up late talking and laughing about how crazy the day was. Not everyone gets to share such an experience with their parents, but we're blessed enough to look forward to that.

So yes, our guests will be eating BBQ. Yes, half of our $10k budget is really just an early wedding gift from my parents. No, I wasn't given a diamond engagement ring. No, we won't have a cocktail hour, a limousine, a DJ, or favors.

But you know what we will have? Our parents. Our friends and family. And the opportunity to celebrate with all of them during the year in which Brian and I both turn 30 and commit ourselves to the idea that life is too short to wait, and save, and worry, and plan, and wait some more.

Our 130-person BBQ wedding reception is one of the worst financial decisions any unemployed, newly graduated bride with tons of credit card debt could ever make. But. This wedding will be one of the best memories I will ever make. And when I see photos like the one at the top of this post, I'm totally and undoubtedly cool with that.