#48: How To Be A Bride (NOT!)

FRIEND: Now Kim...don't be afraid to just be a bride, okay?

ME: What do you mean "be a bride"?


FRIEND: You know - know what you want and ask for it. You're the bride.

We were quickly walking across a David's Bridal parking lot on a cold New York afternoon in January when this conversation occurred. It was not the kind of dress shopping pep talk I was expecting.

Now don't get me wrong - I LOVE this particular friend to pieces; she's usually quite wise and kick-ass.

But. For those of you who own a GPS for your car, you know that while you love that little gadget it has its limitations and occasionally gives you bad directions. And in this case, I had a GPS with me (in the form of my friend), who was not giving me the correct directions for "getting home" (or feeling at home in myself).

First off, what does it mean to "be a bride"? It seems like the creators of the hilarious joke below have an idea of what it means to be the one with the veil:

...As the saying goes, it's funny because it's true. (Although I'm seriously NOT laughing at the "Dresses For Fatties" line.)

But WHY is it true? Women are not naturally such catty, shallow, cookie-cutter beings. But. They can learn to be. They can be taught. They can be told that during a certain number of months they can and should be completely self-absorbed and blow their budget on things that never mattered to them before, all for the sake of keeping up with the Jones' wedding, so to speak...because if they don't then their wedding just doesn't count, or some crazy nonsense like that.

To my dear friend and dress shopping buddy, I cannot try to be a bride - I AM a bride. And my core personality does not change because of it. However I act in a bridal salon (indecisive, flexible, goofy, putzing around with my best dance moves in front of the 3-way mirrors), is who I am no matter what store I'm in or what I'm shopping for.  (Well...I don't dance in the grocery, actually. But that's just because there aren't any mirrors.)