#75: In Defense of Bridal Babblers

Do people find all of your wedding talk to be excruciatingly painful? None of us wants to be that person - the annoyingly engaged friend whose incessant chatter about floral centerpieces, favors, bridal party drama, and wallet woes can clear a room out like bad gas can. But some of us are.

Folks, I have recently been accused of being a bridal babbler. I know, I know. Me? A wedding blogger who talks/ blogs too much about weddings? Is that even possible? Well, according to one of my friends it is.

But before the innocent excitement of wedding talk gets sucked out of us and replaced with guilt and shame, let's take a step back for a minute and examine what's happening here.

First of all, most engaged couples are new to large scale event planning and budgeting. So if we can't seem to wrap our minds around it all, and we seek your advice and compassionate ear, give us a break, yes?

Second of all, a wedding is indeed a big deal. One reason why there are so many of us bridal babblers is because a wedding is an age old rite of passage and celebration of something huge, something that *needs* to be talked about with elders and peers.

There's a lot happening on an emotional level when one is preparing for marriage let alone a wedding - excitement, fear, anxiety, complete and utter joy, and even depression or guilt. For the sake of sanity, thoughts and feelings must be shared, and sometimes this comes out via rants about Mom or how hard it is to find an affordable venue. In fact, I think one reason why people talk so much about logistical and aesthetic details (aside from the obvious) is because it's their only outlet for the changing emotional landscape that they began inhabiting when they first got engaged.

Most of us don't mean to inundate our non-wedding-planning loved ones with our bridal babble. In fact, we try to hold back a bit; we wait until people ask us about our plans before we say anything, we blog, we make keep little snippets of inspiration that we find, and we'll write wedding related Facebook status updates so people have the option of ignoring us if they want.

Given all of this, is it too much to ask that you, ahem, be a good friend and put up with my shenanigans the way I put up with yours? Thank you. Thank you very much.

The last thing I'll say in defense of bridal babblers is this:  

Sometimes it's not you - it's the person who is complaining about you that's got issues.

If you're truly a bridal babbler in a way that's obnoxiously selfish and irritating, you'll find that at least 70% of people find your wedding talk annoying. At that point you should start a wedding blog. Now. And relieve your loved ones of their pain. ;)

But if, for example, only 10% of your loved ones feel that you talk about your wedding plans too much, then it's probably an issue that they have, not you.

A person may find bridal babble annoying if:

• He/ She is unsatisfied with their own marriage or wedding.
• They don't like you for other reasons unrelated to your bridal babble, and they wish that your funeral were being planned instead of your wedding.
• You are marrying their best friend and they feel like you're taking him/ her away
• They secretly wish that they themselves were happy, in love, and engaged.
• Their lifestyle choices, values and taste differ from yours and they are judgmental of ways that are not their own. (They have probably experienced intolerance from others throughout life, which is where they learned it from.)
• They're mad about something you've done in the past and the bridal babble is just the final straw that broke the camel's back.
• He/ She is feeling pressured in their own relationship to get married and are generally skeeved out by wedding talk.
• They wish they had a few thousand bucks to throw their own party.
• She/ He is a just very irritable person in general. (But you love them anyway.)
• Your are one of this person's many friends who are engaged to be married. You bridal babble isn't too bad, but combined with everyone else's it's too much!*

As you can tell from the list above, a strong negative reaction to wedding talk (actually, a strong negative reaction to pretty much anything), is rooted in a person's disappointment, fear, sorrow, bitterness, jealousy and rage rooted in their personal history. Also note that their irritation with you may be a clue that you need to discuss and work out a larger problem in your relationship.

So don't worry my fellow bridal babblers. If 10% of your loved ones hate wedding talk like vampires hate the sun (unless we're talking those funny' sparkly Twilight vampires), just remember that their hate stems from deeper issues - issues that were brewing long before you got engaged.

 PS. If your partner is the one who thinks you're a bridal babbler, check out this post.


Image from Masterpiece Weddings
*Thanks, anonymous commenter #2, for this late addition to the list.