Who knew that an interior designer on HGTV could get me to reflect on the state of my marriage? And maybe he can get you to do the same.
I was watching an episode of Color Splash when cutie pie designer David Bromstad (in an attempt to get a feel for the needs and tastes of his clients-- a married couple seeking to give their bedroom a makeover), asked the following 2 questions:
- If you had to describe your spouse in one word, what would it be?
- If you had to describe your marriage in one word, what would it be?
Wife: Described husband as "sexy" and their marriage as "exciting".
Husband: Described wife as "adorable" and their marriage as "perfect".
Now...my psychotherapy background got me all pumped about analyzing that bit of information. (I won't go into it right now, but let's just say there's *a lot* to be said about their answers.)
But the more important thing is that David Bromstad's set of questions can lead to great insight and understanding into any couple's marriage.
So my hubby and I answered the same set of questions. We tried to share the first thing that came to mind in order to access our uncensored gut feelings.
Brian: Described me as "cute" (after he said "brown" just to be funny), and described our marriage as "honest" (after saying "exquisite" just to get on my nerves).
Me: Described Brian as "reliable" and our marriage as "fun".
Below is a very general way to interpret and analyze a couple's answers. You could say that I created these guidelines based on how I interpreted our own results...or you could say I pulled these out of my "cute, brown, exquisite" ass. Decide for yourself:
- The word used to describe your partner (if the adjective is a complimentary one), could be what you find most attractive about the person. What you find most attractive is based on the emotional needs that you developed throughout your interpersonal history with others. It's important to know which specific emotional needs your partner satisfies because you'll always be longing for them. Be realistic and reasonable in terms of how much your spouse can satisfy these life-long emotional needs.
- The way you describe your marriage (if the adjective is a complimentary one), is probably what works remarkably well for you within the relationship. It's what you need in order to feel loved, fulfilled, and engaged. If this aspect of your marriage were to diminish over time, you would feel a great sense of loss and discomfort. So be prepared for a lifetime of maintaining the qualities in your marriage that you like best, especially as your relationship evolves. It's possible that you will have to adjust your approach and expectations over time.