#84: Giving shape to balls

                                      Me next to huge pink balls. Yeah, you heard me right.


I talk a lot about balls and courage on this blog. But I should clarify this concept because it is easily and frequently misunderstood.

First, as provocative as the photographed pink sign is, I (mostly) disagree with its message.

Balls without brains is dangerous.  Courage without wisdom is powerless. (And assertively stating two intriguing but generalized statements makes you sound like you're quoting Yoda. Ahem. So sorry.)

If you've got a one-dimensional understanding of balls in the context of wedding planning, you might mistake it for irreverently and rudely doing whatever the heck you want without any regard to the needs and wishes of your family, future in-laws, and anyone else who has a stake in your wedding. (Yes, others rightly have an emotional investment in "your day" too, you know!) This is particularly true for those who are normally bad ass -- the "it's my way or the highway" route is not being ballsy, necessarily. It's just you in your comfort zone.

Here's what having balls is NOT:

• Rebelling in anger and frustration
• Taking action merely out of fear, desperation, fatigue, or to avoid conflict
• Taking action just to teach someone a lesson

Now here's what having balls IS:

• Allowing yourself to express anger and frustration
• Taking action that scares you, is motivated by desperation or fatigue (in exchange for your own sanity), or allows you to avoid *unnecessary* conflict
• Taking action just to teach someone a lesson
  

Oh boy. Who knew balls were so complex?

So what am I saying here? That no two balls are ever the same.

I'm an anxious analyzer who is easily discouraged and avoids conflict like Mariah Carey avoids loose-fitting turtle necks. So when I'm feeling ballsy I am able to say no, set boundaries, get angry without crying, stay in the fight after a rough shot to the chin, and be less affected by what others think of me.

But I've got a friend who is my complete opposite; she's extremely focused, tough, and independent with zero tolerance for people's BS, their pointless small talk, and their crying babies. So her version of ballsy is admitting when she's wrong, letting her guard down, compromising, and knowing when to pull that stick out of her ass and play nice.

The shape of your balls depends on your emotional needs. It depends on what your particular comfort zone is, and what the world beyond that zone looks like. Therefore, self awareness is the key to courage. Know your weaknesses.

If you can imagine being a more balanced and emotionally healthy version of yourself, you'll be able to get a glimpse at YOUR personalized version of a brave wedding.