Wednesday, October 27, 2010
#115: A bride is a LEADER in a pretty dress.
Last week I was impressed with how Jenna (she of this amazing celebration) rocked the role of "senior manager" or "CEO" of her wedding. She got things done. Her vision was realized. She made firm decisions. She knew her limits and delegated. And because of this, she was able to enjoy her wedding weekend.
So it got me thinking. Planning and executing a wedding can feel like running a business, and as such, it would benefit from some insanely awesome management and leadership skills from the bride and groom.
Here's the thing: we're not all great at managing and leading. I know I'm not.
You see, I'm an introverted, flexible, indecisive middle child who is better at thinking up ideas than following through. Also, instead of taking charge when faced with a challenging situation, I let the situation take control of me. It's the kind of sensitive and introspective personality that allows me to excel as a counselor, a writer, and as a helper. But I pretty much suck at leading others, being firm, and delegating.This made wedding planning and enjoying the reception a bit of a challenge for me.
What kind of leader are you?
Will you need help saying "no" to people who want you to play the role of manager at your wedding when all you really want to is party hardy? Are you someone who is easily overwhelmed by challenges, and would therefore require the help of a right-hand-man (or woman) to put out fires? Or perhaps your need to be in control will prevent you from feeling relaxed at your wedding, or worse, prevent you from appreciating the beauty of what's happening beyond the logistics that you're so busy overseeing.
Take your leadership style into consideration and plan accordingly.
Another important question to ask yourself is: what kind of host are you? Me? A bad one. My desire to make people feel comfortable is a good thing, but when I go overboard with this it's always at my own expense. To me, if your "customers" (guests) aren't happy, your business is failing. But if the "boss" (the host) is miserable, again, your business is failing.
I've only hosted 3 parties in my life:
(1) Housewarming party 2 years ago - I spent half the night in the kitchen cooking and washing dishes instead of hanging with my guests. (I blame it on poor planning and time management.)
(2) My wedding - You all know how that went. (I blame it on worrying too much about what other people were thinking.)
(3) Last week's belated joint 30th birthday party for Brian and me - Fortunately, by this time I had learned from my past mistakes. I didn't act like a host, I acted like a guest at a party. And because of this I had a great time! We ordered a few pizzas, made it a BYOB thing (bring your own beer, brownies, or boobies - guests' choice), let people do their own thing without feeling like we needed to entertain them, and did very little "host work" during the event.
However, being an imperfect leader and host brings its own blessings. It highlights the areas in which I want to improve. It begs me to brave and go outside of my comfort zone. And it encourages me to look to my "business partner" (husband) for support. Brian and I are opposites, so through him my strengths are magnified, put to work, and appreciated, while my weaknesses are forgiven and compensated for. That's the beauty of partnership. And that's one of the reasons why I got married.
And finally, being a good leader and host is not just about your SKILLZ. *It's about INTEGRITY.* So even though you've got your flaws, you can still have a beautiful, conscientious, honest, and joyful day without compromising your core values. That's something to be proud of, whether you rocked the CEO hat or not.
Married people: What are you and your partner like as leaders/ managers/ hosts?
Engaged people: How have your management skills effected your wedding planning?