#101: What is the Wedding Budget Sweet Spot?

So apparently, $75,000 is the annual income that gives families the most joy for their buck. Or at least that's what I learned in this article over at the world's most awesome personal finance blog EVER, Get Rich Slowly.

The further people's salary was from $75k (in either direction, by the way - under or over), the "less happy" surveyed people reported to be. Those who made less than the "salary sweet spot" suffered from the stress of striving to keep their house and feed their kids, while those who made more suffered from the stress of competition and the overseeing of big investments. (Mo' money, mo' problems, as they say.)

Fascinating.

And of course, being that I talk about weddings here, you probably already know what I'm going to ask: what if a similar phenomenon existed with wedding budgets? What amount brings couples the most emotional bang for their buck? Is there a "wedding budget sweet spot"?

Now before I start theorizing, let me be clear: no couple's budget is "better" than anyone elses. You're not classier than I am because you spent 100k on a fireworks display at your waterfront castle venue, and you're not holier than I am because you only spent $500 for your entire homemade eco-friendly sha-bang. Everyone's budget is based on a number of factors (savings, debt, salary, financial assistance from family, etc.), none of which should contribute to the couple's sense of self-worth, nor reflect their true character. The amount you spend is not as telling as how you spend it - wisely, kindly, and with integrity, I hope.

Having said that, ain't ya dying to know if there's wedding budget sweet spot, and how the price tag of YOUR wedding compares??? I know. Me, too.

I don't have a team of Princeton researchers to help me out with this study, so I'm just going to take a wild stab in the dark with this. In other words, all I can really do is speak from personal experience.

Let's look at the following 3 categories (which I've stolen from that Get Rich Slowly article), to outline a couple's financial priorities when it comes to their wedding:

• Laying a foundation. These are the essentials: attire and someone to make your marriage legal. But for those who are not eloping at the courthouse, you could put a venue and food in this category, too.

• Quality of life. This includes what we value but don't *need* in order to get married, like a cool or fancy venue, lip-smackin' good food, a guest list that could would include most of the people you want to celebrate with, alcohol, dessert, and music. You'd be unhappy without spending money these things, but you could definitely get married without them.

• Beyond the basics. If Oprah gave away dream weddings you might include the following perks: a live performance by your favorite artist, celebrity stylists for your hair and makeup, a guest list that includes everyone you love (and his/ her plus-one), a big donation to your favorite charity under each guest's name, and of course, a plane ticket and luxury accommodations for each guest who RSVP'd yes to your wedding (which is in Italy, obviously).

Based on my experience planning a $10k wedding, I strongly feel that an extra $2,000-$5,000 would have increased my level of fulfillment and joy during the day. No, not because I could have afforded more "fluff", but because I literally would have had more fun had I had the extra cash to spend. (I had my share of disappointments with my wedding reception, remember?) While we came close to executing our vision, the reception fell short for both of us, especially me.*

So my guess for the wedding budget sweet spot? Considering that our $10k budget does not include the $2,000 worth in gifts from my parents (my gown and the tent rental), the fact that I'm kicking myself for not hiring a day-of coordinator and possibly a DJ, and the fact that I didn't have a rich uncle who could lend me his beachfront property (or even just a middle class aunt with a huge backyard) so that we could scratch off the venue price tag...

I'd say $15,000. 
 
That's enough to have given me all of the elements in the aforementioned "laying a foundation" and "quality of life" categories, which is what I believe bring people the most emotional bang for their buck. If I had $23,000 to spend (which is just about the average wedding budget in the country these days), I think I would have started to feel more stressed during the planning, yet not necessarily happier during the wedding.

Why? Because then I would have started worrying about things like favors, bridesmaids dresses, centerpieces, and limousines - things that were automatically eliminated from my to-do list when we decided on a (relatively) modest budget. I'd start stressing over trying to afford as many items as possible in the "beyond the basics" category. The focus of the wedding would go from hosting an incredible celebration of love to that PLUS "fluff"- fun stuff that would not necessarily contribute to my amount of joy.

What do you guys think? Could you have spent less on your wedding but been happier/ less stressed because of it? Could spending more than your intended budget increase the amount of joy you experienced at your wedding while decreasing your amount of stress during the planning?


*If I were a GUEST at my own wedding I think I would have had a total blast. Hosting a $10k wedding without a coordinator, however, is another story!
(PS. Did see the poll I put up yesterday? It's on the right, just above my profile picture. Cast your vote!)

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#85: Those Darn Wedding Cost Estimator Websites

It's easy - simply plug your zip code into a website like Cost Of Wedding [dot] com and you will learn the average amount of money that couples in your area spend on their weddings. Helpful, right?

Not necessarily.

Sure, you're curious. You want to know what to expect. You want a ballpark figure. You want the thrill of feeling ____. (Fill in with: shocked, affirmed, angry, and/ or amused.) You want to know if you can get away with selling just one kidney or if you need to make it an even two.

But be forewarned: Don't pay too much attention to these websites. 

Let's start with a practical reason. There is a LOT of room for inaccuracy, obviously. With so many factors involved, these web calculators are smart to play it safe and provide you with an expansive price range. Even then you might find yourself to be an outlier.

(For example: According to this website people in my area typically spend between $29k and $49k on their weddings. My husband and I spent $10k. Even when I plugged in all of the particulars of my casual wedding in the above website's wedding survey plus calculator it came up with between $14k and $23k.)

But I think websites like the one above say less about what you will probably spend and more about: (1) the cost of living in your area and (2) the cultural/ regional wedding norms and expectations of your area. Which, by the way, don't *necessarily* have anything to do with what you should expect to pay for your wedding.

Why? First, because you might have different needs and tastes as your neighbors. Second, because you and your husband may not have similar spending habits as them. And third, you might not be as influenced by regional wedding norms. (Oh, and people: wedding norms ARE regional. I just learned over at APW that in Vermont and many other states, weddings are not fancy catered events that take place in banquet halls -- they are DIY, or potluck, or cake-and-punch-style parties at the church hall or in the backyard. That ain't nothin' like what I've seen in my neck of the woods!)

Here are a few damaging things that those websites can do:

• It can bring down morale. (We should expect to pay X amount? Well, it's doable if I bank all of my paychecks throughout next year. And if I don't eat. SO worth it. Umm...right? Damn - I'm already hungry.)
• It might give you permission to spend more than you had intended, which is probably (although not necessarily) a bad thing, depending on your financial situation. (If X amount is "normal" in this city, then any risky financial sacrifices and crazy purchases I make that allow our wedding bill to fall within that range is excusable.)
• It gets you caught up in the numbers game. And once you start comparing your wedding or your budget with others it's simply a no-win situation. There will always be someone richer, someone thriftier, someone who makes you second guess good decisions you've already made, and someone who thinks your budget is ridiculous. If what's comfortable and authentic for your and your partner is dependent on others, you'll always feel just shy of complete.
• It can squash creativity. (Why bother Googling "budget weddings" or take on  DIY projects when our budget falls perfectly within the normal range?)

What has your experience been with online wedding budget calculators? What budget tools have you found helpful? Which ones make you nutty and which ones keep you sane?


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#65: Operation $10,000 Wedding: THE RESULTS ARE IN!

Remember our $10,000 target? Well...I bet you're dying to know whether or not we stayed within the budget after all the deposits, balances, and tips were paid. Yeah, so am I. (I was actually not aware of the final tally until I wrote this post.)

The results? WE DID IT!!

(Cue: confetti, marching band, cheerleaders doing back flips, etc...)

But what does this financial victory mean to us as a married couple? So many things.

First, let's be honest...it means that together Brian and I kick ass*. It means that our teamwork during the wedding planning process paid off (which is a good thing since we'll be teammates for life). And it means that the little system we've got going on works for us right now. (I tend to look at the big financial picture, calm Brian down when he gets anxious about money, and keep him from buying more flat screen TV's; Brian is the breadwinner who always gets the most bang for his buck, and who kisses my swollen eyes when I'm crying in frustration about ridiculously priced tablecloths.)

Second, it affirms the grown-up decisions we've made lately, such examining our lifestyle as urbanites in our cool-as-hell Brooklyn apartment, and realizing that living within our means in a mindful and honest way meant moving into my parents' basement.

And lastly, it gives us hope that we can successfully spend money wisely and kindly in the future. We will:

• move items from the "need" list to the "want" list
• make purchases that reflect our values and tastes 
• fight it out, agree to disagree, hug, come up with a plan B, etc...
• spend our earnings in ways that build us up without tearing others down
• occasionally cough up some change for things that make our hearts soar and our minds expand

Now, for those of you who are all, like "I don't give two turds about your emotional and spiritual insights...show me the money!"...

Well, here ya go:

Location, Location, Location

venue: $2,050

Bon appetite!

catering: 2719

soda & water: 110

alcohol: 357

ice cream & coffee: 50

cupcakes: Free!

= $3,236

I'm too sexy for this shirt, so sexy it hurts...

veil, jewelry, hair accessory: 72

bride's shoes: 60

undergarments: 80

groom's outfit (shirt, pants, tie, shoes): 230

rings: 900

hair & make up, grooming (trials, day of on-site service, tips, purchased items, highlights, waxing): 800...holy crap!

= $2,142

I like to move it move it...

iTunes downloads for entire playlist: 80

sound system: 60

= $140

Say cheese!

photography: 400

videography: Free!

camera/ camcorder: 450

= $850

It's all about the details

burlap table runners: 25

hay bales: 120

flowers: 45

table cloths: 80

vases: 14

= $284

Miscellaneous

invitations: 75

hotel room (2 nights): 265

marriage license: 40

ring boy pillow, flower girl basket, gift box/ card holder: 50

bridal party gifts: 150

day of tips: 490

plates, utensils, cups, serving bowls: 65

church donation: 150

= $1,095

Note:

"Gifts" from parents that are not included in final tally include...

tent rental (Thanks, Dad!): 460

wedding dress (Thanks, Mom!): 1300

Officiants' fee (Thanks, new Mom & Dad): Free!

TOTAL: $9,998**

Today's lesson: It's possible.

*If you didn't stay within your wedding budget it doesn't mean you DON'T kick ass. What I meant to say is that Brian and I did a kick ass job of working together on this project. (And this would be true even if we went over by a bit.)

 

**My parents' wedding gift to us was to put $5k toward the wedding. Brian and I decided that we could afford to match this amount, giving us our $10k budget. 

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#50: The Price You Pay When Parents Pay: Tips for avoiding money mayhem

Many couples choose to pay for all wedding costs on their own without any help from good old Mom and Dad. There are many terrific reasons for this, like a sense of independence and accomplishment.

But another reason to pay your own way is that with accepting financial gifts or loans comes expectations and demands from your "sponsor" or "lender". Oh, how wonderful and simple life would be without such strings attached - the emotional interest rate, one might say. 

But my guess is that a very small percentage of parents who contribute money to a wedding are able to (consciously or unconsciously) give without charging an emotional interest rate. And to some extent, it's understandable - money is what we trade in order to have XYZ. If XYZ does not meet our standards of beauty, joy, entertainment, or quality, then it's not worth our hard-earned cash.

So when parents say, "I'd gladly pay __ dollars for my daughter to be happy on her wedding day," what they are often saying is "I'll gladly pay __ dollars for what would make my daughter happy if I were in her shoes." (And plus, they're probably stressed about "losing" their child and all. So it comes out in funny ways, you know?) Now, not every parent is like this*. But many are to some extent, especially if we're considering unconscious and subtle versions of the above.

If paying for the entire wedding on your own is not option, it is important to consider the following tips for negotiating a fair (or zero dollar) emotional interest rate with your lovely parental sponsor(s) or lender(s):

1. Designate a specific time and place to begin discussing the wedding budget with all of those involved. It would not be wise to start an impromptu discussion about financial gifts, loans, requests, and promises when people are caught off guard, stressed, tired, hungry, or still a bit tipsy from wine during dinner. One needs to be at his or her most peaceful state in order to negotiate fairly, with love, and with utmost honesty.

2. Decide whether the financial contributions will be a gift or a loan. This is very important, people! Miscommunication in this area could be the cause of some very embarrassing and uncomfortable situations in the future. Also, having the flexibility to discuss a gift sum vs. a loan sum will increase the likelihood that all involved will feel good about with the situation.  

In our case, my parents will be giving us our generous $5,000 wedding gift up front so that we can put it toward our celebration. This is a gift and will not be paid back. The remaining half of our wedding budget will be coming from a mix of our own cash and dough from Dad. We agreed that any cash from my father exceeding the $5k gift would be repaid as quickly as possible without interest.

3. Decide on a specific amount of money that your parents will *comfortably* contribute. I'm a big fan of Say Yes To The Dress - a reality TV show in which brides shop for designer wedding gowns with designer price tags. (I know, I know...the budget blogger watches that kind of stuff?? What can I say - gorgeous couture gowns make me giddy!)  Sometimes the young women on the show finally find the perfect gown after hours of shopping, only to learn that Mom had a price cap in mind - one that the bride finds disappointing. So the bride and her family go home either empty handed or feeling nervous, resentful, or ambivalent about the chunk of change they threw down.

Without a set dollar amount (one that is clearly communicated to all those involved), things can quickly become uncomfortable. After deciding on a number, talk about its level of flexibility. Is the number at the top of the budget or is it a ballpark figure? And discuss whether or not your parents expect you and your partner to spend hours researching DIY tips in order to stay well below the price cap.

4. Have an honest discussion about the emotional interest rate attached to the loan or gift. This is key. It will make or break everyone's sanity throughout the planning process. Here are some questions that the bride and groom can throw out on the table for all to ponder together:

• If a gift or loan is accepted, what expectations will you have of us in terms of how we spend the money? 
• How would you feel if we spent the money toward items or services that do not agree with your aesthetic/ logistical/ spiritual or religious preferences? 
• How might our parent-child relationship change (or not) as a result of our spending money on things you do not approve of? 
• If we disagree on the way in which the money is being spent, in what ways can we resolve the issue? 

Unfortunately, Brian and I did not go over these questions when we agreed to accept my father's cash gift and loan. (Doh!) So when Dad asked if he could invite 4 friends to the wedding (none of whom I had never met or heard of before), things got messy. Our guest list was tight - it didn't even include any family members under age 18. So to invite 4 strangers to the wedding seemed absurd, especially to Brian. But because we had borrowed so much money from my dad, and because he had supported us in all of our wedding plans (unlike many other overbearing family members), I felt a responsibility to grant him his wish.

Long story short, after lots of arguing, huffing and puffing, and frustration, the compromise was that he could invite 2 friends. And if those 2 friends RSVP'd no, they cannot be replaced by another 2 friends on the B-list.

Even now, I feel winded just thinking about this issue. If I had to do it again I would have put my foot down and said no to my dad, instead of saying "Let's see how many people RSVP 'no'. We'll decide then." (Ugh, BIG mistake.) So yeah. Be brave. Talk it through first!

5. Regularly check in with your parents to assess their thoughts and feelings about how the financial contributions are being spent. This is not to say that you are obligated to appease their every wish. (No way! You are an ADULT.) However, if at any point someone is uncomfortable with how money is being spent, it needs to be aired out so that resentment does not solidify.

Much to my surprise, my mom generously offered to buy my gown on top of the $5k gift that she and my dad were giving us. (I know, I know...I'm crazy blessed.) Luckily, the gown I'd had my eye on was in the $700 range, which was very affordable for my mom. She wasn't quite cool with the fact that it was a short 1950's style dress, but she was happy to pay. 

But then, after trying a long lace number over at David's Bridal, I had a change of heart. And suddenly, my dream dress was $1295 - almost double the amount we had originally intended on spending. Although I offered to pay the difference, my mom insisted that she pay for it in full - evidence of her excitement about the gown being floor-length.

Her decision to pay the extra few hundred dollars sat well with her for several weeks. But well after my dress had been custom built and paid for she shared, "Maybe the dress was a little too extravagant. Do you think we should have gone with something cheaper?" My heart sank. I felt so guilty about it that I could not fully enjoy my dress when it arrived at my house.

Fortunately, we agreed that after the wedding we would sell my gown (perhaps on Once Wed), and make back the $700 difference that was spent. 

What you should take away from all of this is that people's feelings change, and therefore, they should be regularly checked and communicated. Also note that even when a situation goes sour it's possible to mend it through honesty and brainstorming.

The price you pay when parents pay can be minimal IF you all remain committed to honesty, respect, and love for each other. In fact, such a situation could be an opportunity for tremendous growth among your relationships; healthy boundaries will be formed, and your adulthood will be even more clearly defined in the eyes of your parents. Anything is possible when you're brave enough to do the emotional work required.

Good luck!

*If your parent offered money without any emotional strings attached (and none that pop up later down the road), I believe you. But know that you're one of the lucky few, my friend. Be grateful. :)


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#23: A hairy situation

Yup, the big day is finally here! Well, not THE big day. But there is something important happening later this evening: my wedding hair trial.

This post will cover a few hair-related topics:

• My ridiculously large hair budget (and hair insecurities)
• Inspiration photos
• "Indie guilt" and balls, of course

There are 2 things that I believe make or break the outer beauty of a woman: hair and skin. Why? Because if you have a pretty face with lots of bad acne, or nice facial features and crazy-bag-lady hair and two mysterious bald spots, trust me...no one will notice the positive. 

My hair is my worst feature. If I threw my pride and values out the window to have plastic surgery on any part of my body, I'd skip the liposuction and boob job, and instead opt for some kind of hair transplant. You see, I don't have much hair, and the hair that I do have is fine and frizzy. It's a source of major insecurity for me; throughout my childhood and adulthood people have poked fun at my thin hair. :(

So. Even though we're on a tight budget ($10k in NYC, which probably equals, like, $7k in other areas), I will be forking over about $300 for the hair trial, day-of styling, and chignon hair piece all together. People, this is a lot for a cheap-o like me. (Oh, the "indie guilt"! But I'll get to that later.)

So at my hair trial this evening, I will experiment with a messy side chignon, inspired by American Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee:

                                              Image from here

To give the hairstyle some interest and fun, I might try to incorporate a braid on the opposite side of the chignon, like what Nicole Richie does here:

                                              Image from here

Now here is where the "indie guilt" comes in. First, a definition: indie guilt is when a girl who prides herself in being an independent, down-to-earth, non-traditional bride feels guilty for "selling out" to the big bad wedding industry, which seeks to harp on womens' insecurities in order to run away with their wallets. The wedding industry has somehow managed to brainwash us into thinking that if we don't look like this, or buy that, color-coordinate these, or spend this amount, our big day will be a tacky mess, and all the love that is shared between us and our groom just ain't enough to make the event special.

Yeah. Barf.

So I wanted much of my wedding to have a real home-made flavor to it. I didn't want there to be a big fuss over the bride nor her generic decor choices. But when I was brainstorming for ways to get red carpet hair without a red carpet price tag (or attitude), all I could come up with was this:

       Image from HairUWear, maker of the surprisingly cool Jessica Simpson hair extension line

My mom and sister were NOT big fans of this idea. But the big lesson I learned from their adamant objection is this: even though I, as a self-proclaimed indie bride, hate to admit it, I will be sorely disappointed if my hair looks as crappy as it always does.

Now here's where the balls come in. I will honor my commitment to being a brave bride by being true to my values no matter what the price. My values include being budget-conscious, but they also include giving myself a gift on my special day - the gift of freedom to walk around confidently, not wondering what the person behind me is thinking about my visible scalp. It's the gift of peace of mind. And to me, THAT is worth $300.

(Oh, and I get to keep the hair piece that my hairdresser is giving me. Yay!)

#8: Bridal Bipolar Disorder

                                              Image: Marije Weterings

It's more than just mood swings; it's highs and lows that make Lindsay Lohan seem like a perfectly stable young lady. It's the endless u-turns in a bride's perspective, attitude, and behavior. It's called Bridal Bipolar Disorder.

To demonstrate the weight of this serious illness, read the following 2 unpublished posts about my wedding budget, both written within the same week. I did not feel moved to share them on the blog because they seemed so contradictory. But now I realize that this is PRECISELY why I must share them; their significance is highlighted when they sit side by side. Right now I'm seeking ways to reconcile these two sides of me, but for now they are just 2 blog posts at war with each other. 

Which one can you relate to?


Written Thursday, May 13:

Working with a super tight budget for our wedding has been a blessing in disguise. Why? Enter bullet points:

Being thrifty has...

• challenged me to be creative (e.g., I designed my dress when I couldn't afford the, ahem, $9k gown I wanted.)
• summoned my strengths. My super reflective, sentimental, and spiritual side has helped fight off the attack of the Big Bad Wedding Industry, which seeks to suck brides dry of their cash, integrity, and sanity.
• brought out the best in my relationship with Brian. Turns out we work great as a team.  (I'm all ideas, he's the execution; I'm about the charming details, he's about the big picture.) 
• strengthened my relationship with Brian. We had to do lots and lots of talking about our goals and needs in order to whittle our creative vision down to something affordable. As a result we became better listeners and closer friends.
• forced me to identify my values, and plan our celebration with integrity according to these values. (Do I value relationships more than aesthetics? If yes, do the ceremony and reception reflect this? Or did my pursuit of a "perfect" wedding day create more unresolved friction with the people who matter most to me?)

Ahh...budget bliss. It's priceless. (Har-har.)


Written Sunday, May 16:

I feel like an absolute turd right now.

It was probably just wishful thinking when I posted about Operation $10,000 wedding. Well, okay - I think I will only need to spend an extra $200 or so in order to bring my dream wedding into fruition, which isn't too bad. But still, I feel like a failure.

Why? One word: guilt. Guilt over the fact that I have been so seduced by pretty little material things that I am willing to give up on a financial promise I had made to myself, to my partner, and to strangers in cyberspace on this here blog.

I've been putting pressure on myself to be the perfect "indie bride" -- you know, a woman who can harness her mad craft skillz to create a unique, non-traditional, and fabulously charming budget wedding. But no matter how unique or casual I consider myself to be, and no matter how unimpressed I am with the luxurious perks of platinum weddings, when it comes down to it I feel exactly the way many other brides feel when they've been brainwashed by the wedding industry-- out of breath, not good enough, and stressed the heck out! And the root of it all? The irrational fear that our wedding won't be as beautiful as the images that I see on OnceWed. (Hey traditional brides: the equivalent would be The Knot.)

I've found some comfort in the always wise and witty words of Meg over at A Practical Wedding, who would probably advise me to stay focused on having an honest wedding, not one that is tied to some idealized price tag. And fiance Brian keeps reminding me that it's not a bad thing to spend a tiny bit more (within reason) if that's what it takes to make our little hearts soar on July 31st.

My mind keeps rewinding back to when I stumbled upon a blog about a bride's budget wedding that happened to have cost WAY less than our $10,000 cap. Only thing is I didn't feel inspired by her thriftiness or down-to-earth vibe -- I felt inferior. I felt like I was a material girl living in material world (only NOT proud of it like Madonna was in her song). How did that happen, people?? Someone please tell me!

Am I not smart, thrifty, creative, or disciplined enough to keep to our budget?? Am I not wise, spiritually mature, or grounded enough to forgo the charming yet costly aesthetic details???

Yes, everyone...I know I'm being too hard on myself. And yet I can't help but feel like I've fallen short.

#3: Operation $10,000 Wedding

Time to talk money.

But before I break down our budget, I seriously need to explain what this post is NOT about. I'm not sharing our budget to flaunt my blessings, ask for a hand-out, prove my worth, or to make a statement about what couples should be spending on their wedding. Nope. Because I've learned not to judge a book by it's cover - or a bride by her budget. There's enough judgment and pressure placed on couples during the wedding planning process, no?

I am, however, discussing our budget for a very specific reason...

I remember that in the earlier months of our wedding planning I was greatly encouraged by blogging brides who talked about money -- some by way of challenging the wedding industry's grip on our values and wallets, others by way of honestly sharing the breakdown of their conscientious budget,  and still others by way of encouraging me to reflect on how I spend money for the wedding (not just how much of it I spend).

These blogging brides also gave me hope that it IS possible to keep costs way down without compromising in the areas that are most important to us as a couple. So this post is about me proving to myself (and maybe you) that they were right.

First, some background info on our situation:

Region: Long Island (just outside of NYC- in other words, it's CRAZY expensive out here, y'all!)
Average amount spent on a wedding in this area: About $35k (Find the average cost of a wedding in YOUR area here.)
Our wedding details: 130 guests; Saturday in July; church ceremony; afternoon reception
Our budget: $10k (No, that was not a typo.)

And away we go...

Operation $10,000 Wedding:

Venue: $2,050
Decorations (indoor & outdoor, including flowers): $200
Catering: $3,260
Beverages/Alcohol (not provided by our caterer): $700
Photography: $500
Cake/ dessert: $250
Rings: $900
Groom's attire: $250
Bridal accessories (shoes, jewelry, veil, fascinator): $125
Hair (day of, trial, plus tip) &make-up: $300
Church donation: $200
Music: $50
Marriage license: $50
Invitations/ Wedding website: $75
Tips: $600
Bridal party gifts: $150
Ceremony items: $100
Our 2-night hotel stay: $240

= $10,000
   (Not including the inevitable last-minute/ unexpected expenses)

Note: Here's a breakdown of what our parents have generously offered to contribute:
                 tent rental: $430                 
                 pastor's hotel stay: $120
                 my wedding dress: $1295
                 a week's worth of San Francisco honeymoon fun (thanks to parents' timeshare): $$$(?)


Originally, we were planning to have a 5k budget and not go on a honeymoon. (Ain't nothin' wrong with just a chapel and some chips, baby!) But with some assistance and encouragement from our parents, we decided that it would be worth it to a have a 130-person catered boogie-down bonanza and a week-long local(ish) vacation.

Granted, in order to stay within our $10,000 budget we are making sacrifices that might make your jaw drop (no DJ, favors, cocktail hour, flower centerpieces, limousines, or videographer, for example). But I'm at peace knowing that even with a tight budget we will be bringing to life our vision for the day-- a lovely, joyous, meaningful, and spiritual celebration (plus crazy dance party and good eats).