Tuesday, June 8, 2010
#18: Cold Feet (part 2): The Tale of Two Volcanoes
Ain't it scary to know that two people can start off with love and good intentions, only to end up being the thorn in each other's side? It's so scary, in fact, that it kept me up for hours one night. What am I signing myself up for? I thought to myself. Will our love end up in divorce like 50% of America? (Or whatever the statistic is.)
For non-confrontational people like myself, marital strife often comes in the form of resentful thoughts and hurt feelings that live underground like molten lava in the earth. Man and wife are two volcanoes sitting next to each other, rumbling, waiting, and hating. The familiar and "comfortable" method of communication is explosive eruption or brooding silence.
The scariest part is that most troubled couples weren't always like this. In the beginning they were just a young 20-something couple that was in love. Some may even have come from big families and had parents with long and happy marriages. So if "The Tale of Two Volcanoes" can happen in their love story, it can happen to anyone's.
Lucky for me I'm on a mission to grow balls. They're not very big but they're developing - mostly through writing, reflecting, and lots of talking with a fiance whose bold ballsy-ness impresses the heck out of me. Another advantage that Brian and I have is our openness to individual and couples therapy if our relationship ever needed it. (Yup, we've talked about this.)
For me, so much of being engaged is just about being brave. It's about being fully aware of the realities of marriage and signing up anyway, knowing that when the time comes to fight for my relationship I've got to have the guts to be honest, the guts to hear my husband be honest with me, and the guts to do the work that needs to be done.