(Gown by Lazaro)
I thought that this would be the easy part of the wedding planning process - all I have to do is find something I like that's within my budget. Simple. Right?? Wrong.
It's starts off with this harmless question: How would you like to look on your wedding day? There are lots of looks to choose from, which would usually make the selection process fun and easy. The more freedom, the better, right? Well, for me it felt overwhelming because there is such a thing as too many choices.
If you know anything about me you won't find it surprising that my dress hunt turned into a whole soul-searching, identity crisis thing. (Sigh.) Here's why: Should I...
- Stick with my usual style, albeit a tad fancier and more expensive (Casual and fun with an I-don't-give-a-rat's-butt-if-this-dress-gets-dirty kinda attitude)
- Try looking how I've always wanted to look but could never quite pull off (Sexy mama. Woot-woot!)
- Go for what I drool over in bridal magazines (Vintage! OR flowy, romantic, and bohemian! Yeee!!!)
- Wear what I won't be embarrassed about 20 years from now (Pretty, simple, classic A-line.)
So for the past few months I've been grappling with all of these concerns. Here's what happened:
Since I consider myself fun, casual, and unique, I had my heart set (from the day after we got engaged) on wearing a vintage 1950's short dress.
("Milan" gown by Dolly Couture)
Fun, flirty, and flattering! ("Beverlywood" gown by Dolly Couture)
Yup, I thought I knew who I was and what I liked. But when it comes to issues of identity, things are never that simple. Or at least not for me.
When I went to David's Bridal out of curiosity, I was surprised to find that I felt so pretty in the long and lace number shown below. (And who knew that I'd ever be so smitten with looking delicate and pretty? This was a shocker for me.)
On a second trip to David's Bridal I put on a hip-hugging gown that the sales lady picked out. This dress made me feel good about curves that I'd previously felt ashamed of. (Holy crap, I think I want to look sexy for once- gasp! So why not try to on my wedding day?)
So, you see...the Dress is not JUST a Dress. It's about who I am and who I wish I was, and finally, reconciling the difference between the two. There are some (advanced?) souls out there who either perceive themselves to be exactly who they hoped they'd be, or perhaps they've come to accept themselves fully, no matter what -- and good for them for feeling at peace with it all. And then...well, there's me.